Left 4 Dead no no's
by The Rose Angel
Summary: Here's a random list of stupid thing you should NOT do if you are playing Left4Dead. R
1. 1 to 25

**Hey ppls, it's me again with another one-shot. This time I got my idea from the pc game Left 4 Dead, normally people would think it's scary cause of the zombies, but I found it quite funny (even though I don't even own the game, I was watching a friend play the game, I'm hopeless with a gun ok, HOPELESS). I had a random thought, so here you are ppls, 25 left 4 dead no-no's. Disclaimer: I do not own the charters from Left 4 Dead (I don't even own the game:( ) **

1. Don't walk out into the open alone, while shouting "HEY GUYS WHERE ARE YOU?" at the top of your lungs.

2. Don't walk out into the open alone, while singing 'I will survive',

3. or start dancing to it,

4. or doing both.

5. Don't go up to a smoker and ask if they want their tongue pierced?

6. Don't go up to a smoker and ask how long its tongue is.

7. And definitely don't try to find out.

8. Also don't go up to a smoker and ask if you can use its tongue as a skipping rope.

9. Don't challenge a boomer to an eating contest.

10. Don't play spotlight with a witch.

11. Don't point at the witch and sing 'I see London I see France, I see witch's underpants.

12. Don't ask Tank if the only reason he so buff is to attract gay guys?

13. Don't try to put a leash on a hunter,

14. then drag it a around saying 'it's a new dog spices'.

15. Don't try to give a hunter a manicure.

16. Don't try to give a witch a manicure.

17. Don't tell a spitter she really needs to brush her teeth.

18. Just because a hunter wears a hood does not make it a dementor, so waving your gun or a stick at it as it rips your friends to shreds saying _expecto patronum _is not going to do much.

19. Don't wave a red flag pending to be a matador in front of a charger.

20. Don't make tank burgers.(when you light em on fire and start running, good way to kill em though)

21. Don't use a smoker as a lightning rod.

22. Don't go up to a witch and ask were her anit-depression pills are.

23. Don't try to start jockey races.

24. Don't offer or try to give a hunter a flea bath

And now one of the biggest no-no of them all...

25. Don't hug a witch.

**Yay, I finally finish. Hope ya like it ppls.**

**P.s if ya got any more ideas for this list send them in, also I'm writing a list on all the things Maximum ride and her Merry band of bird kids are not allowed to go, if ya have any ideas send them in. Thank!**


	2. 26 to 50

**Sorry it took so long, I couldn't think of any more stupid thing that you should not do in the game L4D. Anyway here you are chapter 2 of the Lef4Dead no-no's.**

**Witch: Chancy, **

**Me: What? T_T **

**Witch: There's a creepy guy standing outside your window, I think he's an infected.**

**Me: *typing up fanfic* Why's that?**

**Witch: Well he as one big arm and one small, and he has been watching us for a while now.**

**Me: CRAP! IT'S ... umm... ONE OF THOSE STAKLER CHARGING THING! O.o**

**Witch: Karma Charger?**

**Me: yeh that thing. Btw people, if you haven't guess yet, than yes I have done most of the stuff that is possible to do these lists. ;D**

26. Don't make fun of Tank speech disabilities.

27. Don't be a first aid asshole, (it's when you heal yourself when your heath is over 80 and your fellow team mate's heath is under 20).

28. Don't be a jerk and lock yourself in the safe room while your team mates are being attacked (possibly dying or dead),

29. then shoot them when they try to get in,

30. claiming that they were rabid zombies that looked like your friends and had learned how to open doors, shoot guns and scream at you to open the f**ken door.

31. Don't shoot and kill a fellow survivor just so you can have their first aid kit.

32. Don't shoot and kill a fellow survivor because you're bored.

33. even if they ask for it.

34. As Tank, taking a victory swim after you kill all the survivors is not recommended. (**Me: Get it? Zombies can't swim and a Tank is-. Witch: Lame Joke**)

35. (**This isn't really a rule; you can do this if you like but... I would recommend it**) Try NOT to pipe bomb the sugar mill in L4D2, unless you enjoy getting ripped to shreds by all the Witches that inhabit it.

36. Don't make kinky jokes about the Chargers big arm (**Remember people Karma Charger is always watching you**).

37. Don't give a Jockey coffee.

38. Don't start madly running around with a katana while chanting Ninja and swinging madly at evey thing that moves, aka teammates.

39. Don't knock over a team mate, just so you can help them up and look like a hero.

40. Don't shoot the cars just for the fun of it, waist of ammo.

41. Don't shoot the cars if they have alarms.

42. Don't throw mud a Nick's suit.(**Nick: **"Shit! All this swamp is gonna ruin my white suit!"  
**Rochelle:** "You mean the one with zombie brains all over it? That one?"  
**Nick:** "Brains come out, swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know that."

43. Don't commit suicide and jump off a really high roof; just so you can watch yourself go splat.

44. Don't steal a smoker's cigarettes. (**I'm** **assuming he smokes, so don't come at me with all that mumbo jumbo crap about how he doesn't smoke. Ok)**

45. Remember people, Hunters do NOT make good pets, (**Me: That's why I sent mine off to doggie obedience school**)

46. As a Smoker going up against a Tank is well... suicide, so hitting him in the back until he turns on you is not a good idea.

47. Don't try to us a Gnome to defend yourself against a Witch.

48. Or a Tank. I'm sorry to tell you but garden gnomes don't have magic powers.

49. Don't throw a bile bomb on your self.

And the big one for this list is...

50. Don't get Ellis started on stories about him and his friend Keith.( **Ellis:** "I ever tell you the time me and Keith went to Hollywood? It was the most awesomest place in the world. We saw..."  
**Nick:** "Ellis, if you don't shut up, I am going to find this Keith, zombie or not, and wring his neck.")

**Now don't blame me if this one FAILED as much as the last one. People you have to remember I have the humour of a 9 year old, so I find this that are not funny... well funny. Get the picture. anyway if you guys have any ideas for this list please send them in (don't worry you'll get the credit, cause right now I'm brain dead out of ideas) **

**Me: Is he still out there Witchy? **

**Witch: *sigh* Yes Chancy, he's still staring at us.**

**Me: CRAP! Wait I have an idea-**

**Witch: Should I be scared?**

**Me: No Witchy, he's a guy, all guys have one weak spot in common *picks up shotgun* GET LOST YOU STALKER CHARGEING-**

**Witch: Karama Charger?**

**Me: Yeh yeh whatever,-turns to charger- GET LOST OR I SHOOT YOU WERE IT HURTS! *aims at chargers manhood***

**Karma Charger: *shrugs* R&R -walks away-**


	3. 51 to 75

**Hey, I'm back. Sorry it took so long peeps **

**Me: I scared away a Charging thing and you didn't!**

**Witch: yeh yeh don't let it go to your head, he only left because you threatened his manly hood.**

**Me: Your just jealous that I scared away a Big armed thingy ;D **

**Witch: Am not, and by the way he's back-**

**Me: Who? Karma Charger!**

**Witch: Nooo, the pizza man, who do you think! Oh, and he's brought a **_**little**_** friend.**

**Me: *looks out window* ZOMG! TANK! HE BROUGHT A TANK WITH HIM! WITCHY A TANK IS NOT A **_**LITTLE**_** FRIEND, A TANK IS A BIG FRIEND!**

**Witch: meh, where still going to die**

**Me: NO WE WON'T! NINJA CHICKY HERE WILL SAVE US! –holds up tiny helpless week old silky chicken in a ninja suit (two sizes to big)-**

**Witch: We are SO doom.**

51. (**Me: Okay these first 7 are from oOShadowRippleOo, THANK-YOU VERY MUCH. I've been brain dead out of Ideas for a while now, and Witchy doesn't help much. Witch: Meh**) Don't try to French kiss a Smoker.

52. Don't insult Twilight, Justin Bieber, or the music genre of pop around the Witch.

53. If you want to die painfully, go up to a Hunter and squeal, "OMG! YOU AND SMOKER LOOK SOOOOO CUTE TOGETHER!" (**A/N, Me: Hunter and Witch on the other hand- Witch: Chancey If you value your life then shut it!**)

54. Never, even if you're double dared to, try and steal Boomer's dinner.

55. Don't say that Chargers look demented (even if they kind of do). Because Karma Charger is always watching.

56. Also, it's not advised to ask a Spitter why she doesn't swallow.

57. You shouldn't show the Jockey anything involving lolicon. Ever. (**A/N, Me: Thank-you oOShadowRippleOo, I'd give you a cookie but I don't know-, Witch: Shut up Chancey, just shut up**)

58. Don't be stupid and poke the Witch in the head with a stick.

59. Don't try to sell avon products to the infected, e.g. Lip-gloss to a jockey.

60. Don't try to sell avon products to the survivors,

61. especially when there shooting and running for their lives.

62. Don't sabotage the safe room doors.

63. Don't hide a Tank in the safe rooms.

64. Don't hide a witch in the safe room bathroom then make water sounds at the person next to you. (**Witch: I don't get it? Me: Use your br- um never mind**)

65. Don't hide a crazy-rabid-angry-vampire-infected-squirrel in the safe room toilet. (**Witch: A **_**what**_**? Me: A crazy-rabid-angry-vampire-infected-squirrel (no such thing, it's an inside joke) Witch: Wait you said vampire squirrel, you got that of **_**Vampires Suck**_** didn't you. Me: No... well yeah**)

66. Don't replace all the ammo in the guns with blanks.

67. Don't jump into a middle of a horde singing along/dancing to Michael  
Jackson's 'Thriller'. (**A/N, sent in by Foxy Grandma, thank you, Witch: Foxy **_**what**_**?, Me: Foxy Grandma that's there screen name. Witch: Oh...**)

68. Don't jump into the middle of a horde and sing Justin Bieber. (**Witch: Why is that a rule? Me: *shutters* Fangirl Boometts and my sister**)

69. Don't take a Hunter home and ask your parents "IT FOLLOWED ME HOME, CAN WE KEEP IT?" XD (**Witch: But isn't that had you got- Me: NOT LISTENING! LALALALALA Witch: *sigh* by the way this is from Catapilla1 aka Ya-ya.**)

70. Ellis has to remember he is NOT allowed to bare Jimmy Gibbs Jr's child.

71. even if the laws of Nature allowed it.

72. Don't ever lock Coach out of a food court.

73. When you close to a safe room don't say '_Guys, safe room ahead' _or anything along those lines, because everything seem to be going well until someone says those word and next thing you know there's a Tank up a head or a horde just appears out of nowhere or just something really bad happens and it really really annoying! XO

And the big _TWO_ (emphasize on the two) for this list is

74. Please try to remember that Molotov cocktails are NOT EDIBLE!, especial when lit. (**A/N yes I looking at you Tyler aka Steph**)

75. neither are bile bombs (**Again looking at you Steph**)

**Done. And wow who would of thought that aTank was scared of ninja chickys, I lean stuff evey day :D**

**Witch: Should I care? T_l**

**Me: Depends. Anyways sorry I haven updated this in a while, stupid English teacher thinks it fun to give us an assignment over the holidays. Plus I've been helping my friend Ya-Ya-pokeypine-greentreefrog (known to you as Catapilla1) with her two story **_**Cross your heart, Hope to fly**_** and **_**Ways to Kill Dylan.**_

**Witch: Good for you.**

**Me: Oh shut it you, your PMSing again aren't you?**

**Witch: NO I not-**

**Me: *Ducktapes Witch's mouth* Whatever, R&R please.**

**Me: PS. I've been getting afew flamers (reviews that dis') lately 'bout how 'this is not a _real story_ or _this is a crappy peice of writing_. Well I got only one thing to say to those people how think there to good for eveything, IF U DONT BLOODY LIKE IT DONT OR STOP READING BECAUSE I AM GETTING SICK OF UR COMPLANTS. OTHERS LIKE IT SO DISING ME IS LIKE DISING THEM, SO DONT! (cause i wuv the people who actally like this in an _non-creepy-thankyouforreviewing-way_ :D) Thats all.**

**Witch: Whoa, an i thought i was PMSing...**


	4. 76 to 100

**Sup people, wow explosion of reviews much wow. Ack and stupid naplan test killing off my few living brain cells-... awkward... Anyways thanks you guys sooo much! I'd give ya'll a cookie but... well Smoker ate them all!**

**Witch: oh boo who, go cry in a corner.**

**Me: shhhhh, oh btw if you sent in an idea and I haven't put it in here, it's either because couldn't fit them in or drum roll please! :D **

***cricket chirps***

**Me: it is because I'm gonna be making a few...**

**Witch: Tell us already so we can get this torturers chapter over!**

**Me: have you ever hear of suspense? *back to peeps* BONUS CHAPTERS!**

**Witch: oh crap**

**Me: So yeh this whole chap. is **decanted** to all those awesome reviews, Enjoy ;D**

76. Don't ever ask 2 smokers if their tongues ever got stuck in a knot (**A/N from trutenstories777, Thank you!**)

77. Don't Try to Charge the Charger with a Hockey Stick While you're in the Apartment (**thank you to ****ChimekoEcila**)

**[**78. Do NOT ask Ellis about Keith (**A/n, this one and the 3 below; sent in by Clara the Wolf.** **Witch: Why is that person a dog. Me: Why are you so dum, huh. It just is. Witch: oh... HEY!**

79. Don't try to take a Hunter's hood off

80. Don't ask Ellis about his time with the Jockey

81. Do not put Coach and the Boomer in an eating contest **] Thanks**

**[**82. Never (unless you want to die) wolf whistle at the witch.

83. Don't start singing burn burn the witch around the witch.

84. Don't let louis near the peelz

85. Don't challenge the witch to a game of mercy. (**Witch: I would totally win at that _ Me: Whatever, Btw those were sent in by stealthhunter112**)** Gracias**

**[ **86. Don't play leapfrog with a Hunter (**Next 6 down are from Virus of Humanity. Witch: aww hell no, not another virus. Me: ... that's they username B-Witch**)

87. Or tag with a Witch

88 Or a Tank

89. Don't call Boomers bulimic

90. Or Witches anorexic

91. Or emo

92. Never grab Gnome Chopinsky on versus (or Karma Charger will get you all).**]** **Merci**

**[**93. Dont play dress up with a hunter

94. Keep horny hunters away from witches

95. Dont try to dance with a witch while high on pills and listing to Midnight  
Riders(Ellis...)

96. Dont kill the pilot in an airplane taking you to safety!

97. Dont make fun of Boomers because their fat

98. Dont get high or drunk

99.Dont take a Smokers tongue rap it around a Smoker and call him a mummy! (**We can thank WheepingWillow11 for this 7**) **] ****谢谢**

100. If your ever in trouble don't run in circles while doing the chicken dance, while shouting 'WERE ALL GONNA DIE!' then run into a pole and see a giant fish. (**Like a boss, Witch: no just no, btw who sent in that really sad excuse for a review? Me:... **_**I **_**made that rule. Witch: well... you suck **)

**Done, dusted, over, whatever you want to call it. Finally 100 thing you should not do in L4D/2**

**Witch: yay T_T can I go now?**

**Me: No now on to bonus chaps. :D**

**Witch: NOOOOO, btw why did you use all reviews to fill in this list Chancey?**

**Me:... Between you and me, they were kinder slowing down my laptop, Plus I wanted to let the readers see that there suggestions weren't going to waste :D**

**Witch: ohhhhhh**

**Me: see you soon Peeps! ;D **


End file.
